Everyone around here knows that I’m not a happy person. I mean, there’s a good reason why I spend most of my time in a cold, unlit room about 75 feet away from everyone else. The last time I smiled, Reagan was in office. Just about everyone in the office gives me my space…except for John, the “Happy Guy” around here. If I were to express our relationship mathematically, it would be as follows:
Charlieo x (-1) = John
The guys is *always* happy. Give him lemons, he makes lemonade…and then he pours you a tall glass and writes a letter to your parents thanking them for making you. In case you don’t believe me, I’ve asked one of my “Agents of Sadness” to keep tabs on John. Here are some recent shots:
Photo 1: Working and smiling at the same time?!?!
Photo 2: Not sure if he’s happy or not, but he’s definitely not sad.
Photo 3: There is absolutely no reason to be happy at 14:22:05. None!
If you see John being happy, please photograph him and respond to this post. In fact, if you know any happy people at all, photograph them and respond to this post. It’s crucial for me to identify (and tag) as many happy people as possible so I know to stay out of their way.
Yours in sadness,
April 27, 2007 at 10:02 am |
Who’s the extremely good looking Asian guy on the phone in the background of that first photo?
April 27, 2007 at 10:32 am |
I’m pretty sure he’s an international film star/singer/model/accountant. He’s a quadruple threat. I think he goes by “Jason” with no last name.
April 27, 2007 at 5:43 pm |
I just spoke with my agent… he would like you to please remove the first picture, but is willing to settle on an amount…
April 27, 2007 at 8:18 pm |
I believe this post is a farce. That “John” fellow is obviously a robot of some sort or perhaps a robot that has travel from the year 1958 to study us. There is little to no evidence of a humanoid entity. I require scientific evidence that “John” is in fact some form of a carbon based being. Any alloyed will not suffice.
End Trans.
April 28, 2007 at 5:02 pm |
He’s human. He cut himself once, and I saw him bleed human blood.